dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
