she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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