I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
