I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
