i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
