in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
His hands were made for my vagina.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
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