is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
