Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
