I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
