i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
