just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
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