how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
