I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
he thought i was a dude.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
