It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
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