tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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