just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Randomize
