The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
