we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
All the doctor said was why
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
