im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Randomize
