The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
