God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Randomize
