She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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