i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
