I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
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