He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
