next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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