ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
No subtext here. People are naked.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Randomize
