Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
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