I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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