just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
