Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
