I just made out with a guy for $7.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
