In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Randomize
