I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize
