I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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