Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Randomize
