my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
