Please, let me fuck your mom
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
well, you know. whores of a feather.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Randomize
