I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
