If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Randomize
