very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
well you can't waste a boner
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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