The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
