Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Randomize
