Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
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I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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