Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
