OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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