it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
