Soap is not a condiment
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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