Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
