my vag is so smooth its legendary
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize