That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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