I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
