Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
