My room smells like vodka and shame
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
