You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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