Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
