if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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