Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
