im gay
i know
yea but for you.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize