About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
it's like iHOP with fire
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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