hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
