I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize
