I wish I could teleport
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Randomize
