We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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