Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
then he tried to convert me to islam
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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