Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Randomize
